Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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