I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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