I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dick very happy bro
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
