Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Im part way to drunk.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
