If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
