...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
