well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
