We won't sleep together?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
