So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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