My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
smell my finger.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
