At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
