I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
