dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My vagina is officially offended.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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