so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
