I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
