ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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