hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
