I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
