I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
