so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
