That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
