it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
