I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
