If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
