I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
