You don't have asthma, your pregnant
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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