just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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