How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
