I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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