dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
