You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
