it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
