My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
