Nicole vs. Life
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
