Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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