I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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