He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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