And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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