I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
