btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
