anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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