just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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