Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
