I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
