so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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