I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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