Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
