would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
