I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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