how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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