I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
